RaRa

Moving on;

2010-02-26T05:10:00.000-08:00

I'll be going to wordpress.com , I just want to try it out . So yeah , don't think I'll be posting here again . Btw , my link will be ,'www.lifetransformation.wordpress.com' .

BYES !

Sorry;

2010-02-23T05:20:00.000-08:00

I feel guilty and I'm sorry for letting you done, for not doing my best, for continuing on with my mistakes... You don't deserve all these crap and I'm sorry for taking you for granted, I should know better.. I feel like breaking out in tears, I feel like crap and I don't know what the hell I'm doing . And seriously , I'm going up and down all the time now . "You can hae emotions but you cannot be emotional" And I agree with Gideon and I feel super emotional these few days .

Mysteries;

2010-02-21T05:42:00.000-08:00

It's been ages since I've blogged but anyway , many things happened , people come and people go , issit for the better ? I don't know , what I do know that , it's heart-breaking to see people go , I feel like it's my fault cause I didn't do anything to stop it , or maybe I made it worst , maybe I was the one who caused them to cross over the line and never come back . Why do people leave ? I wish I knew , I feel sorry and not only do I feel sorry but guitly for not doing my best to have saved her . It was my fault for neglecting her , for not having the spirit of excellence and now , she's gone . I'm responsible for many of the people who have walked away , why was I so selfish ? I feel as if there's too many people and I can't catter to every single one of their needs . Issit that there's not enough time in the world , or issit that I can't find time ? I told myself that I would manage my time better but I don't know if it's getting better or worst . There's so many things to be done and I just want to do them all , chase all my dreams and at the same time , I'm able to serve God . I can't remember the last time I went out with non-believers and in really plan and go out with them . I feel disconnected from the world that people live without God , I feel that I need to bring them over to God's world , with God's poeple and with everything so good you know ? I need a break but I don't think I can , if I have a break , everything becomes chaos and I'll be behind schedule...

Goal : Find the balance .

Drained Out;

2010-02-07T04:31:00.000-08:00

Wow.. So many projects, so much has happened... I'm feeling super drained out and stressed ! But I know I can't give up now since I've gone such a long way and NEA is about to start restructure tomorrow . And Usher Ministry also going through restructure , I'm still stuck with Wenzhen... Weird lor ! Anyway , manage to spend time with Wenzhen on Saturday morning . Had informal and formal shepherding at Macs . Yeah , and Jie Fang accepted Christ that day ! XD Not only her but also Sherlyn and Clain(Sorry , I've got no clue how to spell his name) . Super happy for them ! Anyway , so appearently Saturday's service was suppose to be the last one as a whole team . I just wished they would have mentioned earlier , SO SAD CAN ?! Yeah , so people come and go... Really want to thank God for Alvina , she has been a great support to me , given me verses and kept reminding me of God . Thanks !

Goal: Don't give up;

This whole week;

2010-01-24T05:09:00.000-08:00

This week overall has been AWESOME-EST week as of now , it hasn't been as tiring as the past weeks and I gained quite a lot . I'm too lazy to go into details so yeah , Friday's prayer meet was awesome , felt my burdens lifted up and Saturday's service also awesme-er , enjoyed serving and the preaching was the exact same thing I'm facing so I guess God is giving me a clear solution . Still get tired out easily but still trying my best to serve an awesome GOD !

Goal : Change my ways;

Saturday & Sunday;

2010-01-17T03:25:00.000-08:00

Saturday felt weird without going for service.. So slacked like the whole day ? Nothing much happened . Well , the only thing that did happen was the 'fight' I had with my father , okay , I wouldn't call it a fight though... Okay this was what went down , he was asking everyone to go see some motivate video ? Then , I was telling myself , no one could motivate me but God and I was already motivated . Then I asked him what was it about , then he kept saying just come , then I just wanted to know what I was going to see right ? I was just curious , I mean if it's crap why would I want to waste my time watching it ? I wanted to know specificially what I was watching . Then , he suddenly snapped , shouted 'keep quiet' and slammed the door behind him . And I was like , 'WHAT?! I just wanted to know what then you just out of the blue freaked out?!' . Okay , yes I was wrong but I mean you couldn't even tell me what was it about ? Yeah , it takes two hands to clap but I mean I just wanted to rest , I'm so beat out by the whole week and I just didn't feel like wasting my time watching some crappy video . Okay , I did feel bad , a tad guilty but I mean... Never mind , I admit I'm wrong . Anyway , had English tuition just now , was alright I guess , normal , typical , just a few new students that's all . And I'm sadded about not being able to go for service and I was suppose to serve this week , so sad can , my first combined service then I missed it . Oh well , never mind . After tuition , ate and did my homework , still left Maths , BORING , seriously , the first question and I didn't even understand what they were talking about . -.- So anyway , my tongues seem to sound weirder and less chim ? Yeah... I want to go shopping , -SIAN- .
Goal : Get everything done

Tongues;

2010-01-15T03:17:00.000-08:00

So full of joy ! I finally got my tongues ! Like on 14/1/10 , thanks a lot Sunny ! I think Sunny is really awesome , I think it was his faith in us that helped me believe in myself too . Haha and he not only help me but Wan Xin , Geok Leng , Vivien and Jolene ! So cool right ?! I just feel like speaking in tongues every second ! Haha , and lifegroup atmosphere was also AWESOME , although attendance was low , everyone's spirit was high and God's presece was overwhelming . School has been okay ? Tiring but okay , I still keep forgetting stuffs . Anyway , just came back from NE sports day , Ruiyong was teaching about friendship evangelism , he said that , life is precious and that we don't need a near death exprience nor a friend dying to know that , and that we should never waste another moment because you'll never know when we'll die and our friends' and also family and can you imagine , you were wanting to share Christ with your friend then decided not to then , the next moment you know , she/he's dead . And you'll totally regret it . And he also mentioned we shouldn't have the mentality that 'oh maybe someone else will share Christ with her/him ma , need not worry' . But then what if you were the only one in the whole person's life to share Christ with her/him ? I totally agree but I don't know what's stopping me , I guess , I'm not even at the S.O.W the O---> Open stage yet and I'm scared I'll loose the contact just like that . And not everyone wants to know God , it's hard to say you know , people have different mind sets and they live according to different values and live for the wrong reasons . How I wonder what it's like to have a world where everyone worship God . The world would be such a better place . It's really sad to hear of people who suicide cause they care about something else more than they'll life , the life God gave them and the life that His song Jesus died for them . Well , I guess God has His reasons for everything . Still trying to not think about guys , 'Why did you have to cycle pass me ? And why did you have to look at me ? And why did that moment seem to have slowed down ?' GUYS SUCK , DON'T DISTRACT ME !
Goal : Be more decissive

Stress;

2010-01-12T03:57:00.000-08:00

Okay , so one of my resolutions was to manage my time better , so I 'made' a planner . Of course I can't make one , I'm short of money so I just wrapped an A4 size single line book , decorate it and , there it's my new planner . It's helping yeah , but not helping me to remember what I have to bring and what I need to buy . So , only can count on God for that . Anyway , started this week quite alright , things went smoothly . And I guess my walk with God is moving , not say very fast but not saying it's not moving at all . Anyway , since most of the subject teachers never thought us before , I thought I'll have a good first impression . So yeah , trying to suck up and get on their 'Good List' . Normilla MIA , don't know where she go so I'm happy , till she comes back . I realised my class is getting more 'Guai' , seiously , doing work when teacher is not around , really paying more attention and doing homework . It's nice , cause , the environment you study in really affects you . And I still need to work on my temper , really really get piss off easily , especially now because , well , not enough sleep, for me = CHAOS , I get cranky like in a slipt second . I may not be able to attend service this Sunday , sad , cause I have tuition , totally forgot ): !! How I wish one day has more hours so that I can do more things... I seriously feel I'm getting weaker and faker . Weaker in the sense that , I get tired easily and feel like giving up more easily , faker in the sense , I force out smiles , I force out words that I don't even mean(words of encouragement). It just doesn't seem like it's coming from the heart , maybe that's why people don't take it for real and don't get spured on by my words , I guess they can feel the 'fake-ness' of it . It's a suckish feeling you know and I just don't know what's happening . I so feel like dye-ing my hair can !!(Totally random) Sian , I so have to WAIT for June holidays and I may not even be able to dye lor . If I don't improve enough to my standards that my parents want me to have , they won't let me dye . And my bag is getting too small either that or my things are getting more and getting bigger . I hope my bag breaks so I can buy a new one but at the same time not really , cause I did a rough calculation of how much money I spend per month , like on tuition , guitar lesson , conssesion and my allowence and so much more . I feel like I'm seriously wasting so much money . *Sigh* I'm getting like lots of mood swings , I think my normal 'me' is back , the 'me' that didn't know God yet , the 'me' that is even so much more emotional , the 'me' that is way more spoiled and just that 'me' sucks . I myself didn't like the 'me' , I actually look down on the 'me' and hate 'her' . I guess life even with God can't be perfect but that's why we have Jesus , to guide us to help us achieve a perfect life .
Goal : Fast from guys;

Sunday;

2010-01-10T04:57:00.000-08:00

Okay , yesterday's service was AWESOME , although attendance abit 'chui' , God's presence really filled up the emptiness of my heart . After service yesterday went to try on some dresses for my cousin's wedding , fun . And God really answered my prayers , you know what happen ?! Okay , so my cousin has this friend who also came along and she was a Christia , LIKE COOL , although she never shared Christ to my mother but that's the first step right ?! To have a Christian close by , she said she's from City Harvest , yeah . And they got along really well !! And I'm so hoping that she'll invite my mother to go for her service !!!! And I'm so excited for what's to come . And I think I'm becoming stupider , considering the fact that , I comprehend things slower and can't absorb as well as I used to . It's really said you know , cause I really want to like take triple science ? And I really need my grades to be like superb ?! And sunday has gone from slack day to homework + slack day . Today morning woke up early to go for science make up class at Bedok Mavis , I couldn't absorb , literally , AND IT'S SCIENCE PEOPLE ! I can get science like so easily , it's so my thing okay , and I'm seriously freaking out . And I'm falling sort of MONEY , yes , I want to buy a planner , a new sermon notebook and I need to save up for church building fund . And I kinda want a new school bag , but I guess I'll behave well and convince my parents to buy me one XD ! Anyway , tomorrow is another day of school , excited yet not ? I don't know , trying to get over my crush , yeah... And tomorrow is also 'O' level results , hahaha , feeling scared for them . And I feel as if everything is getting harder and harder , and I keep reminding myself of the rewards I'll have when I serve God 100% . Out-reaching again , hopefully get responsive people .
Goal : Be a friend then be a follow-up .

Hectic;

2010-01-08T04:30:00.000-08:00

School just started and I barely have the time to myself . I think my most free days are Friday and Sunday ? Teachers that are teaching my class not so bad , quite okay . This year I'm the Geography rap , kena sabo -.- . But nothing much huh , Drama same as usual ? And I think I'm becoming more stupid ? I in class can listen and understand but I take a longer time and when I do my homework , I can't do a lot of questions , for Maths anyway . English dianostic test was alright ? Worst part was the well , editting for spelling and grammer . I think I did pretty well for book talk , but the only thing was I think I seriously talk too fast.. ._. Yeah , but other then that , trip over my words a few times and said a few Singlish words -.- ... I've been very packed lately , school , CCA , tuition and also Lifegroup and well , Coreteam ? I don't know . Anyway , I think , I'm not suitable to follow up on Yanjun , well I hust think that , it's not easy for me to explain to her things and stuff and , well , yeah I know being a shepherd(sort of) it's no easy but yeah , I feel she's not really trying her best to come for Lifegroup and stuff but I don't know larh... I'll talk to this about Wenzhen and Emily soon . I think God really is providing me with strength to study and serve Him to my fullest potential , been waking up early for the whole week for out reaching , yeah then at night stay up late to do homework so , they kind of don't go well together but I still was okay during class , not as tired as expected so really thank God . And I want to thank God for the countless blessings He has given me and really want to thank Him for an awesome shepherd and great life-buddy , Alvina . Wenzhen really touched my heart the other day by preparig breakfast for me and Alvina is really someone you can count and would go more than an extra mile , she'll go MILES ! Yeah , tiring yet fruitful week I think ? Haha , tomorrow have to go for CCA orientation for the secondary one must go and help out . BORING , but anyway , I want to take triple science so I have to work on my Maths and I kind of want a second CCA(but not basketball again) and also second ministry . I know , I'm crazy and I have like tons of resolutions to fulfill . Hope to be lead by the spirit more;

Fire is not burning;

2009-12-28T20:32:00.000-08:00

I haven't been blogging lately , been busy with things and I'm losing track of time , literally . I think that usher retreat is next week but it's tomorrow . Yeah.. And I don't think I'm going anyway... Lately feeling very 'chui' like I don't know , I just feel as if I want to die already . It's not really that I want to give up on God but I just feel like I want to drop everything . When , stress strikes I just feel like giving up , I can't take stress , that is why I never worked hard for anything . Because I know when I give my all for something , I'll have more to do . It's like I want to become a shepherd but I can't take the responsibilities . I feel like my head is going to explode . But I was reminded by God then I can rejoice under any circumstances . But I feel as if the whole world is against me . I just can't do it , without God , everything is impossible . I'm trying to pull it together but.. *Sigh* It's unexplainable . I know God is there but I just can't feel Him . Well I guess what Wenzhen said was true , maybe God is just testing me but I mean I really do believe that He's there but I can't do anything when I can't feel His presence , I feel so weak and useless . After camp I was still quite okay but now , the fire just stopped burning . And I think God also want me to think about why I serve , I guess it's because it's like a responsibility ? I don't know . And I need to learn to not seek recongnition any more , I need to learn to be humble and really think before I speak or act , I seriously think I have many problems... And when I do things , I feel like I'm not doing it with God and I feel like when I don't do things with God then , there's no reason why I'm doing those things . And I really need to manage my time , I feel so caught up in the things I do that I just forget the time and I forget the dead lines to everything . Time flies and I can't catch up with it . And I really need to set my heart right before God , I don't want to have the wrong motives and I just really want to focus on God and nothing else , I feel like I've really let God down and that I'm so stupid to not have woken up earlier . I think why I feel so 'chui' is because , I don't even know why I'm going and I don't fix my eyes on God but on completing the task but sometimes it's not always about finishing the task but the process of finishing it . And I need to manage my money too , in the sense I see if it's worth it anot . And I was reminded of servanthood yesterday during Emily's birthday celebration , when she said ,'Serve others first' And it suddenly struck me , I'm a servant and it's not about how well you serve but how you react or feel when you're being treated like a servant . The other day , Yining said that God uses the tail to lead the head , and it's true , God uses the weak to lead the strong . And I just really need to think through how I'm going to apply all of this .
And Emily's new dog is so CUTEEEEEEEE ! (:

Christmas;

2009-12-25T06:31:00.000-08:00

Hmm.. It's Christmas but some how some what , it just doesn't feel like Christmas to me... I don't know why but yeah.. It just felt like a sunday to me . Anyway , I finished my English book reviews because I wanted to go for PHS lifegroup tomorrow . Emily has the coreteam going.. I don't know why though . I still feel as though I'm not living life with God . In the sense that when I do things , I'm not doing it with Him . I finally finished Acts and I'm now reading Romans ! XD Well anyway , the Christmas party yesterday was okay ? I didn't get to go for caroling though . But yeah.. The service yesterday was awesome , because we have three converts , maybe more but I know got no less than three . XD
It's super unspiritual but I really like this guy , he's so nice and caring and super spiritual . He's so funny can , but the depressing thing is I can't talk to him as in I can't talk to him like a friend because my shepherd will kill me but because I don't want to cross the line.. It's I don't know , weird ? It's really driving me crazy !! I'm so missing him.. ):

Gratefulness;

2009-12-22T05:05:00.000-08:00

Wow... I really think that God wants me to be grateful for everything and everyone I have . Things happen so quickly and they can happen at any time . And I really think that God wants me to cherish the people around me and also the things that I have . I mean you don't know what's going to happen and you know it's hard to tell . And today we had lifegroup , we were suppose to go eat first then write Christmas cards then we went for street evangelism , was really fun and a great exprience . I think God really is blessing us with resposive contacts . I was reminded of this verse by God ,
Haggai 2:9
The glory of this present house will be greater than the glory of the former house,; says the LORD Almighty.'And in this place I will grant peace,' declares the LORD Almighty.
I really believe that God wants to remind all of us that we shouldn't be discouraged because He'll make a way for us to make the present house more glorious then the previous one . As long as we put in effort then God will help us . And I'm sure He also wants to find His lost sheeps . I've written some cards already but not all . Anyway , tomorrow I can't go for out-reaching , CTM and... Sports day/carolling practice ? Yeah.. Sian , and also I can't go for usher retreat huh . But yeah , really excited for the things to come and next year when I really want to 'chiong' for my studies , I've slacked for one year already and I don't want to slack any more . And I'm going to get myself off of Normilla's blacklist . I really want to change my impression and I really want to be the best I can be for God .

Awesome;

2009-12-20T06:48:00.000-08:00

I just remembered something Pastor Shirely said ,'Once you have tasted awesome then okay is nothing' , I totally agree , when we taste God's awesome-ness then we strive for more . And her testimony about her grandfather was amazing.. It really was so cool and like touching . Pre Christmas service was great , really enjoyed it and many people converted . And I hope that YanJunn stays so that she'll be my sheep , so excited ! Anyway , really looking forward to the many things God has installed for me .

Camp;

2009-12-18T02:57:00.000-08:00

Okay lately haven't been online much is cause computer got problem and cause I went for camp . Wow , camp was really really refreshing and I really learnt a lot . One thing that struck me was that I really felt the joy in serving although like I just went round doing my job I really felt joy in serving ad that's how it should be like . When we serve with a glad sincere heart we should feel joy in serving . And also learnt that SOW is not a method of what but it's a lifestyle , we should live life like we're SOW-ing 24/7 and so that's what I've decided to do when Gideon asked us to make a decission on what we want to do after camp . And maybe some of you can tell that I've changed but my parents seem to disagree and not everyone can tell that I'm changing but that's why , I want to live life as if everyone can tell that I'm a child of God and I'm not ashamed of it neither am I afraid to show it . I want to be able to really be a role model for all and also be able to bring God's presence into non-believers' lives and also my family's . And I'm determined that after I've achieved this my parents will change their mentality and image of me so that they'll allow me to go for 11 March 2010's WATER BAPTISM . WOOOOOOOOOOOOO ! Okay , so anyway , I agree with what Gideon said although I missed half of it ? He said that as girls we shouldn't let out emotions get to us and also we shouldn't follow those others girls in gossiping and bringing others down so we feel more superior . That issn't the way God wants us to be and that's not the image we want to give to non-believers and also we should learn to stand on principles like how I learnt in character study . When we stand firm on our principles God will reward us and we'll really be able to affect more people around us . And also like what Pastor Jeff said , 'We can have emotions but we can't be emotional' . Personally I know that I'm a very emotional person , I have problems controlling my emotions because I guess I just.. Am like that ? But I don't want to be like that any more because if I can't let my emotions become my masters for I can't serve two masters like what it says in ,
Matthew 6:24
"No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money.
And I really agree with this so if you see me being too emotional stop me and give me a good lecture and scolding . I also learnt that my shepherd is not my fist aid box but only my map I think that I rely on Wenzhen too much sometimes cause I guess it's very easy to get very comfortable with her cause she's really caring and she always go an extra mile for everyone . But I want to be more independant , and yesterday I opened a can by myself , as in use can opener and open because I very noob one larh , everything also don't know how to do cause I've been spoiled and like I don't know how to do a lot of things . But anyway , now of days I find that I've kept going to her every single little thing that pops up . But our shepherds are there to move us closer to God and not themselves and I think this will be very useful for me when I myself become a shepherd . I really thank God for opening up my eyes to many things and I really thank God for everything that has happened and for everyone around me . There's always a reason why God put us with the people we're with . And there's always something to learn from them or we're there to help or guide them . And Sunny really thought me something , although he hardly had the time to spend with us he was so overjoyed that he could just come and spend a few hours , and I got to come full time , I think God wants to remind me to be grateful about every single little thing that He blesses us with . Be it the food or even everyday that we recieve . And Sunny also mentioned that if Hillsong serves the same God and reads the same bible , if they can influence so many people then why can't we ? I really think it's true and that really encouraged me . And also I was encouraged by this Girl who served usher doing camp , she wanted to join usher but she hasn't gotten any news yet , then we were standing at the same place so we were just getting to know each other better . Then I told her that I can't speak in tongues and it's really been very long because one of my camp objectives was to learn how to speak in tongues but I still can't larh but she told me that she had a very strong prompting from the holy spirit to pray for me . During her prayer she said that I was ready and that she really had a lot of faith in me . I hardly knew her but she had so much faith in me I was really touched by her because she really believed in me and she help me not to upset when I haven't recieved tongues cause if she has so much faith in me then how can I not have faith in myself ? But I really learnt to trust in God and to be contented with what He has blessed me with and what He still is blessing me with . I really enjoyed my time in camp and I had a great time talking to Alvina and Emily , Emily helped me to position myself in someone else's shoes and I finally understand larh why this person is this way and I can't blame her and like I remember that the hillsong guy said that 'who are we to judge' . That really strucked me because it's true , 'who am I to judge' God doesn't count how many sins we have committed and He counts us as a sinner by whether we sin or not He doesn't count us more or less a sinner . And sometimes I may think like , 'walao how come this person so not spiritual one' I mean what gives us the right to judge this person ? I'm not perfect and neither is anyone except Jesus and God . And therefore only they have the right to judge . And one of my camp objective was to bond more with the lifegroup but I served quite a lot so I didn't manage to spend as much time as I thought I would but I want to thank God that today Emily , Baoer , Jasmine and Wenzhen took the effort to come down to fellowship and I also wanted to thank God that my mother allowed me to go . And although not many people came but I still got to fellowship with them and they really made my day by taking time out to come and fellowship together , I mean they can be doing something else right ? But they chose to come to fellowship together as a lifegroup . And I'm very blessed to have all these people around me , and that's why I wanted to start being the wall of affirmation . To not only my lifegroup but also others around me . Because I feel good being appreciated as an usher , I'm sure some of you can relate as ushers like sometimes we don't feel appreciated when we serve but I want to thank God for those who really say thank you it really makes a big difference and also that's how I want to appreciate others so that they continue to come and to feel God's love . And I want to thank God for Wenzhen , I noticed that she has that child-likeness and child like faith that God wants us to have . I use to think that she's just immature but now come to think of it , it's not immaturity but child likeness , and she's not the most talented person but she tries her best in everything she does . Example like she's not altheletic but she still enjoys herself during the game and really take part in it . And I don't know if she herself knows this but it's because of her spirit of excellence that God backs her up on everything . She does her best and it's actually having faith in God . Haing the faith that He'll do the rest when you do your best . And I think that she has shown me that , so what if I'm not talented in a lot of ways ? I can still try my best in everything that I do . It's because of this she has come such a long way . And you know like what pastor Jeff said last time he was a bad singer but now he's a better singer may not be the best singer but he's improved right ? And I believe that it's true as we progress on , our weakness become less of a weakness . So what if we're imperfect ? That's what we're here for , to strive to become perfect just like Jesus . It's easy to want to do something but actually doing it , it's harder than you know it . And I really don't want to live a 'sian' life any more because when we said yes to God to let Him take over everything and surredering our all to Him was the day that we start living life to the fullest and living life to the fullest is to live an exciting life and that another good thing about Wenzhen , she always does thing like as if she hasn't done it before . And that's what makes it so exciting for her and that's also how we should treat everyday , we don't know what's going to happen . Then , we should be excited for what God has install for us . And I'm trying to be able to feel His presence all the time because it's not that He's not there but it's just that we're not aware of Him and we shouldn't live life alone because God is there and we're living life with Him and we shouldn't just call Him when we need help but we should also celebrate with Him . 'Tong Gan Gong Ku' <--- that's how we should live life with God , the ups and also the downs . And God thinks of us greater than how we think of ourselves and God won't give us something that we can't overcome and when we ask God for something , we must be prepared that He's going to test us in other for us to slowly gain what we want . If we always just get what we want then there's no point right ? When we ask God for something He'll give us even more than of what we asked for . And I learn that in order to gain I have to give . Even if I only give 5 minutes of my time , that 5 minutes could make a big difference . For example I spent those 5 minutes telling someone my life testimony , it could have really touched their hearts and they could have wanted to accept Christ there and then . And so only when we offer something God will multiply it . And I forgotten who preached this larh but it's true without discipline then there's no way we can move on because no matter how talented we are we need to be dicipline when we do anything . If we don't put in effort how can we expect to see a breakthrough ? And I agree that this age is the best time to moud ourselves to become more disciplined . Especially since I want to chiong in my studies next year . Without disicpline I can't go far . And I also learnt that compassion is not the same as pitty when you have comppassion you do something about it . You take action and pitty is just a feeling . And we shouldn't just talk but no actions . Go the extra mile for people and it's better to be a blessing then to recieve one . And I also learnt about servant hood and that we're all saved to do God's will and we odd to rise up to serve others to bring them closer to God . And that we shouldn't limit ourselves because we must have faith that God has created us to do more than what we think we can do . Always take up the challenge when you have the chance because you may not be sure if it's God's calling but there's no harm right ? And we shouldn't just learn something and not apply it then there's no point in learnin it right ? And everyone has a talent and that talent is used to make a difference in the kingdom of God . And firstly we have to find that talent then after finding it we should invest in it so can we can excel in it to really serve in the kingdom of God . And on the leadership teaching I agree all of us are leaders it's just a matter of a good leader or not . And we should learn to become better leaders and to rise up and lead people . God can glorify in any cirumstances . And I was really reminded that the old has gone and the new has come . Like I'm not sure who said it but each day actually the cycle is still repeating itself . Each day the old has gone and the new has come . God is shaping lfe character of His people . And I agree with what Pastor Jeff said , you'll produce who you are . I think I'm becoming more like Wenzhen... The willingness of being a servant I think it' very important because it also links with humility . And we odd to be humble like Jesus . And God will only use you when you're ready so don't worry , the right time will come . God calls His people in many different ways , it doesn't have to be like really really a cool way when God calls you to fulfill what He wants you to do . And we need to guard our hearts especially for girls because Satan will strike us at our hearts because we're more emotional people than Guys that's why we should be strong and not let our emotions get the better of us . Don't be a shooting star but a shinning star , a shooting star you can only see it for a short while but a shinning star you can see forever whenever in the night . When you're serious show it and we should be serious when we want to give our all to God . And really having the burning desire for God . And you know we should really set our hearts right before God . Because if we seek God 99.99% it's not good enough that's why when you want something you'll have to want it 100% and when you ernestly seek God you'll find Him . On the second day after I got to go back to the lifegroup , I was really drained out by usher so I wanted to still be able to praise and worship God 100% and I just sang my heart out and God just suddenly strengthen me and refreshed me . I hope all of you really gained a lot from camp . (:

Lifegroup and Tuition;

2009-12-09T19:04:00.000-08:00

WOW ! Okay , so I had shepherding yesterday with Wenzhen and she has helped me finished my Maths homework , YAY so I don't need to care any more . So yeah , yesterday tuition was quite okay ? Got like a new guy in my Maths class ? And like I was totally blur then I think he laughed at me because I asked the teacher ,'how can 0.5 divide b 0.5 = 1 ?' Yeah so I pressed the caculator and yeah I'm wrong . So anyway , learnt about maps ? I guess not so hard , then after Maths , Wanxin , Clodia and I went to eat KFC then they wanted to eat there but I told them not enough time one . Then they say can one so ate there , guess what end up also late -.- . But we weren't the lastest . Uncle Eric taught us particles in matter which I've already learnt so kinda boring . But anyway , realised that I was serving usher this week which I totally forgot ? Then the housekeeping person ask me to go Istana Park for something ? Then don't know how am I suppose to go usher and housekeeping . So anyway , life has gone from hectic to even more hectic . We'll be like having lifegroup at my house later then after that suppose to have Coreteam but , as usual can't go . I got Chinese tuition anyway so yeah . Serving God has really becoming harder and harder as each day passes . But since when anyone said it's gonna be a piece of cake yeah ? I'm trying to get my contacts down ? I'm serving usher in camp(still haven't found red and green dress code) I also have housekeeping for camp hmmm.. And well on top of that I've got tuition four times a week and guitar lesson . 'WOOOOO' Yeah , I think sooner or later gonna loose my mind . But I think God is trying to tell me to jut trust in Him . Trust came out when I was doing quiet time , having shepherd and like in Devotion . And it's never easy to trust God but I'm really trying my best . Finacially , spiritually and studies , really have to rely on God's strength and keep reminding myself that He's in control . Still having that dreadful sore throat . GOSH and I just remembered I have to collect my pay at Parkmall during weekdays , why ? BECAUSE THEY DON'T OPEN ON WEEKENDS . Stupid people , and anyway , still don't know how am I suppose to pass to peopl invitation card for Christmas service . Hmmm.. 'AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH' Okay , felt so much better .
-Seeking for God's strength-

Shepherd and tuition;

2009-12-08T17:25:00.000-08:00

Okay , holidays are getting even more busy . Yesterday I was told that I'm in housekeeping for camp but I don't really think it makes a difference because as ushers we do like everything . We serve holy com , offering bags and housekeeping . But anyway , yesterday I went for guitar lesson after that went to school to buy books . Then I realise I forgot to bring the book list , I felt like an idiot but anyway , thank God because the auntie had a copy for me to tick . So anyway , after buying books went to my mother's work place for lunch . Ate pizza , awesome . Then we went to my auntie's house for a visit . Then before I left my auntie gave me $10 ! XD Really thank God because really going broke . And later I'll be meeting Wenzhen for informal and formal shepherding then after that going straight for tuition , two classes in one day . Maths 5-7 , 7.30-9.30 is Science . Wow... I don't know if my mind is able to think or my hand is able to write so much . But anyway , I'm still having that horrible sore throat , can you all pray for me ? Really appreciate it , thanks ! XD

Usher workshop;

2009-12-07T05:15:00.000-08:00

Okay so I fasted until 2.30p.m. today and I'm so happy that I made it and didn't like break fast early . Anyway , still having sore throat , totally sucks . And like the workshop wasn't much as I thought it would be but yeah , Ming Jang explained roughly what we'll be doing and the colour code is green and red ._. very weird larh . And like we were told like some medic things just incase . And it suddenly occured to me , I have a lot of surface friendships and I totally hate it because like it doesn't mean anything , sure having friends is a good thing but..Having friends for the sake of having is another thing . And like... I feel like nothing changed as in my status in the social world.. I thought that I won't feel as if I'm an outcast but I realised that I still am . I don't fit in any where and every click I join I'm still the odd one out . I always feel so left out and I don't know why . And the 'thing' with one of my sheep-mate is still the same which really upsets me . And everything is happening so fast and I don't know how am I going to cope . But yeah , I know God already has a plan for me but I don't know , I'm just scared I guess.. And I've really got many things going through my mind and I feel as if my mind can't even think properly any more . I can't remember things that I've done or not like I know I need to do it but I can't remember if I had already done it . Wow.. I'm already stressing out before school even reopens .

Service and today;

2009-12-06T05:15:00.000-08:00

Service was great , Gideon preached ! LOL ! And I managed to get Xing Er down for once ! Although she didn't accept Christ I'm very certain she will soon enough maybe it's not meant to be me that brings her to accept Christ but I'll still pray for her ! Anyway today slow as usual but I want to thank God for softening my parents' hearts , they let me go for the usher workshop !! It's like at night can , so really thank God . And yeah devotion is really helpful , it really opens up my eyes . Like seriously , learning about how I can trust God more and how much I really appreciate Him and love Him . It's really amazing how we never thought about ourselves and we think that we care about God but when it really comes to the question you find that it's not true . I really never thought about it that way and the booklet has really been a great help with my walk with God . Yeah.. Trying to get my heart prepared for really really busy december before school reopens . Hmm.. I still can't speak in tongues and I'm really wondering why larh huh... Maybe I'm still not as spiritually mature as I think I am ? Or just that God is testing me and He has a better plan for me(which He always does) . Well anyway , I actually played audition just now.. LOL I felt so life-less though.. Yeah can't wait for a brand new week with God XD !

Lifegroup;

2009-12-03T04:12:00.000-08:00

One word to describe the day , 'AWESOME' . Morning woke up early to practise my guitar , thank God for Wenzhen cause she helped me by telling me how to get rid of my flam . After practising when I put back my guitar , never realised that I didn't put it properly and... The guitar fell and one of the strings broke , yeah I was pretty upset but I remeber I told God ,'Break my heart for what breaks yours' . The whole day , yeah things got really bad but not as bad as I thought it would have been . Had lots of fun with the lifegroup , it was sort of an outing lifegroup so was quite slack . After eating and slacking at Jasmine's house we went to wacth New Moon . Thank God that my mother allowed me to watch the movie . It was nice I guess . And the movie ended quite late so half way , me and Joanne prayed that God will make a way larh . And He really did . And I'm so happy because God says to always just trust in Him and yeah everything went well . Really felt that God was there with me it's just that I never noticed . And the Devotion thing it's really cool I think it really helps me to open my eyes to see what God sees , feel how God feels and think like how God thinks . And last night during quiet time really learnt a lot . I read Acts 10 and I learnt that God welcomes everyone and anyone , regardless of their past , if the person ernestly seeked Him and did what He would have wanted the person to do , God will really make a way . He'll never reject anyone who wants to have a relationship with Him and He'll answer your prayers it's just in the matter of time . Whether He gives you what you want or something even better . God really calls you and speaks to you on ordinary days you just have to really know what's happening around you and God really blesses all with the Holy Spirit who believe in Him and believe that Jesus was His perfect son . And I'm not really sure if God is hinting to me something about the Holy Spirit , the ability to be able to speak in tongues but I really hope He'll make it clear for me . Tomorrow I'm already starting tuition , abit scared and anxious but I know that God will be there to help me through . And going to have my bestfriends over at my house . XD

Word For Life;

2009-12-02T04:19:00.000-08:00

Did character study for Rahab and Paul(also known as Saul) . I was super encouraged when I heard about Rahab . Because okay , it'a really hard to explain if you haven't read the storey in the bible . But anyway , Rahab had such a strong faith and she never doubt in God for a second and she really trusted God 100% . She didn't let her social status or occupation or nationality get in her way of wanting to build a relationship with God . She didn't care how people looked at her and she had the courage to let go of her past and pursued a new faith . And faith it's a decision it's not a feeling or what and it wasn't easy for her . Because she had to risked her life and she did something when she believed in God .
James 2:26
As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead.
After believing in God she risked her life for the Jew spies and she helped God's people . I really think that it's true because if we believe that God exsists but we don't show it then who is going to believe us ? God judges our whole life and not just one super big mistake/sin we committed and yes but that doesn't mean we go round killing people okay but instead don't take God's grace for granted but really cherish the chances He gives us . Repent and seek for forgiveness and if you see your friends sinning or just doing the wrong thing tell them nicely if they don't want to listen to you don't force them or stirr up a fight yeah you'll feel bad but you already tried warning them if they don't want to take the warning what can we do ? Just pray for them and ask God to forgive them . And we need to patient not everything comes in an instant and just really think about if we're trusting in God or not . And really the choice is yours .
Paul he wasn't always a believer/follower of christ . He was raised up as a Pharisee(is like having PHD of the bible and the Law) . And he used to persecute many christians and even went round finding people to imprison or kill . But one day he had an encouter with Jesus that changed his life and he changed many people's life . God called him to start his minitry to the Gentiles(Gentiles are people who aren't of Jewish origin) . He had to go through many trials because people put charges against him when he told them that the was going to preach the gospel to the Gentiles . He went through a lot of hardship I don't think many of us can manage to persevere and Paul was very determined he never gave up and he remembered why he was doing it . Always going back to the core , just like Nehemiah . Everyone was against him but he stood firm and wasn't shaken he was willing to be judged because he knew he did nothing wrong but I know I hate being accused for something I did not even do . And now of days my mother is getting more unhappy about the fact that I go out for too much church activities . But I'm trying not to be affected by it . He failed many times but he still continued on , he had that never dying faith which I really admire , most of us would really be affected if we keep failing and we won't be stronger and stronger each time we fail . But he got stronger and stronger , he was always remebering God and knew that God wants him to fail and we really need God's word to be encouraged and if you feel 'chui' just ask God for strength and have a motivation to keep going . And God is always with you doing the things you do , He's always there whether you know it or not . And you need to change yourself instead of changing the people around you , speak their love language . If your friends keep rejecting God then just keep trying to share your testimony . Don't just plunge into God but try talking it out smoothly . And just ask God for the wisdom and the chance to share to them . Never give up unless God says so . And God will bring people into your life to help you and encourage you . And are you still as excited or as passionate when you share about your life changing exprience ? And how do you apply what you've learnt ?
Recently a lot of rejection but I have a friend who really encouraged me because she said she wanted to know God . And I felt happy because she's my friend and she's going to be saved . And I explained to her and tried to push her to really want to come and know God and have a relationship with Him . And when people are curious keep talking to them about God maybe just maybe they'll want to accept Christ into their lives . Really think that I'm growing and yes it's not easy but since when it was ever easy ? Have lifegroup tomorrow need to plan out a skit .

Word For Life;

2009-12-01T05:46:00.000-08:00

I had WFL yesterday wanted to blog about it but my parents totally hogged the com huh . They booking airline tickets then don't know doing what so I didn't bother asking them to lent me use . So anyway , I went for the character study class cause Emily told me to . At first I didn't really want to go because I wanted to go CLC1 but I just told myself ,'God is in control and He knows what is best for me' so I just stuck to it and tried to really concentrate and open my ears and really tried to learn His word . And yeah , it was really interesting although the first preacher abit boring..(NO OFFENCE) But still I could really absorb almost everything . And we learnt about Daniel and Moses . Daniel is known for his unswering commitment to God and his uncompromising attitude is a testimony of a principled man and when I was learning about him , I felt so amazed because he really put in everything to serve God but not only God but kings of Babylon . And he really lived life the way Gods wants any of us to live . God has His principles and values too so we need to do things according to those principles and values . And in order to do that we need to be willing to be tested . And you know , Daniel never took the royal food or presents . He still continued to serve the kings never the less . And he was firm on his decisions and he never let anything get to him . And I really admired him in this aspect . He followed God's wills and God favoured him . God saved him from being killed and God used his life to influence a whole kingdom . And I think it's so cool to be able to influence one whole kingdom , I can barely influence one person . And he really setted hi heart heart right before God and I don't think it's that easy to be lik him . He doesn't need rewards or anything but he still does what people ask him to do . Once or twice your friend asks u for a favour and you thinks it's okay right ? And what if that friend is not even close to you but just always comes to you for help ? I think you'll totally just tell her to go find someone else right ? But Daniel wasn't like that , although he was forgotten , he still came back to help the second king when the king called him back . And I really think that we should be the 'bigger person' in life , to always just give in to others although yes it's not easy . But was it easy for God to send His son down to die on the cross for us ? No it wasn't , and Daniel always gave credit to God , he never took God's glory but instead told people about Him and when he's reawrded he shares his rewards with his fellow brothers and sisters of christ . And Daniel never lost faith in God , daniel was to be put to death twice but he still never died . And I believe God will always help us but if we were meant to go then we will go . And Daniel influenced four kings in his life and made a difference to many who lived in those times and he's not the only who can be a living testimony . I believe all of us can be a living testimony yeah your friends won't believe God exsist but they can't deny the fact that you've changed so much since you came to know Christ right ? God will protect us and when we obey Him , He'll bless us more and we don't have to be the one to be angry about those who sinned against us because God will punish them for their sinns and always thank God for everything . And we should always do something with what God has blessed us with , so really pay attention because the chance may be just there infornt of you . But Moses was really different , He was a real leader in the context that he doesn't try to cover up his mistakes or his weaknesses and he stuggled with many things that we also face . And God called him on an odrinary day , it doesn't have to be a out-stading day when God speaks to us . And I believe that's really true because I had my own 'burning bush' exprience and it was really a big breakthrough for me . Moses always 'tai-chi' with God , he always has 'what if' or 'but' he never had faith and confidence . And God will always be there to back you up to send people to help you . So when things happen just stop , pray and God is speaking . Be curious and ask questions it's not going to kill you if you don't know somethings . Open your eyes and be aware of your surroundings and really just lead God do His work . When God wants you to do something in His name , He'll be doing it with you and He'll help you and yeah sometimes you don't know if it's really God's will but just do it because if may be for the better or the worst but God already knew that it was going to happen and it happened for a reason just whether you see it or not . And if you think that you don't know everything about God and you want to share your testimony about Him and when your friends ask just tell them everything that you know because it'll be enough because no one knows everything about God . And seek God to help you in areas that you always comprimise with Him about thinking that it's okay or at least I'm not that bad ? You're just trying to make yourself feel better . An trust me just own up and do what God wants you to do and don't try to bargin it's not going to work you know . And Moses was never angry at God , he was never able to enter the promise land but he still continued to serve God and he allowed God to punish him and let Him do His work . And God works in many ways not just one so don't doubt that the new way doesn't work but just trust in Him . And Moses had a big heart , he prayed for the people when they were testing God and He sometimes did things out of frustration and we do that too but we'll regret it so try to just relax and do what you think is right . And when you feel sian or tired just always remember why you're doing it and who you're doing it for and ask God for strength to continue on . Don't let your weaknesses come in the way of fulfilling your responsibility and don't be so defensive because sometimes it's just best to keep your mouth shut . And don't be distracted by anything or anyone but stand firm on your princples and being humble is a key aspect and to be humble it's just to think of yourself no more or no less than who you are . Accept feedback and really think about it and ask God what to do . And failing it's a part of learning so we don't repeat our mistakes and we learn how to overcome them so don't be disapointed at yourself and emo okay ! Obey God under any circumstances . Okay I think I have really said enough . Can't wait for the next WFL tomorrow and lifegroup outing ! XD

Sunday;

2009-11-29T05:39:00.000-08:00

Another slow and resting day.... Never really did much , eat watch tv , use computer . And I cleared out my closet and repacked it . And seriously people I realised I have a lot of clothes , I have more tops than bottoms I think . But anyway , I realise how sometimes I don't wear a lot of clothes and that I really waste a lot of money but I still want to buy more . ._. I KNOW , it's insane . Seriously , want to go shopping ! Anyway , I still haven't collected my blogshop bag , the person finally collected it . XD And tomorrow got Word For Life excited but yet I feel like no one is going and all those that I know who are going the same course as me are guys... ._. But yeah , really want to learn God's word ! And really hope my contacts reply !!! Yeah , I want to be a shepherd , but there's no sheep to shepherd.. And I realised I still got the English book review/report crappy homework to do . BORING , but yeah , anyway , if you guys got any praise/worship song to recommend please tell me ! Thanks ! (:

Service;

2009-11-28T04:24:00.000-08:00

Okay , so none of my contacts came so I served in usher today . Yeah although quite disappointed I couldn't bring anyone but I think usher was really fun today ! Everyone was like joking the whole time and everything went smoothly except that we over run . But everyone moved out quite fast . So yeah , I still managed to eat with my lifegroup and thanks Joanne for the thoughtful gift . (: And after eating I went to work , tiring but it's for others so why not ? And today's service was about 'Crossing Impossibilities With Our Faith' , pastor Shirely preached today . Exodus 14:10-22
1. Stand firm in the face of impossibilities(v10-14)
We'll normally be afraid when our road in life has a problem/challenge . (v10)
The Lord will fight for us but doesn't mean we don't do anything and just hide .
The second reaction we have when faced with a problem is blaming others. (v11)
And we also have regrets , like yes I want to do this then no omgosh why like that ?!(v12)
And when we overcome trails we have we really grow in out area of weaknesses and during the holidays is really the best time to grow ad walk closer to God .
2.Persevere In The Midst Of Impossibilities . (v15-18)
Obey God's divine guidence(v16)
Discern God's divine purpose(v18)
3.Exprience God Through The Impossibilities . (v19-22)
Have Faith In God .
2 Corinthians 9:6-7
Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly , and whoever sows generously will also reap generously . Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give , not reluctantly or under complusion , for God loves a cheerful giver .
And you know I really want to give back to God's people because God has blessed me with uncountable blessings and I want to be able to give back to Him and His people . So that people can also exprience God's blessings . And I want to really give to the church building fund because it weren't for the people who forked out all their money to buy nexus I won't have been saved and have my life transformed and I want people to also exprience the same thing . Knowing God was the best thing that ever happened to me and if I never knew christ I don't know how suckish my life would have been and I want people to be able to exprience life to the fullest just like me . And I want their hearts to be touched so that more people can serve God together you know . And yeah , I really hope to be able to give so much more .

Bible studying;

2009-11-27T05:11:00.000-08:00

Today stayed at home the whole day , my mother didn't allow me to go for the NE picnic so never mind . I'm trying to be contented with everything that I have so I'm not blaming God that my mother didn't let me go . And I also had to honour my parents right ? So yeah , morning fasted , afternoon broke fast , then about 3 I started my bible study I didn't want to rush this time round cause I really want to read intently and not miss out any detail , but after reading chapter 3 of Acts I started to feel tired... Yeah , not that it was boring but I was really tired and because raining so you find it easier to sleep . I was so proud of myself cause last night I finally finished the book of Luke ! XD Anyway so when I read chapter 4 & 5 actually didn't even know what I reading , I reading half way I dose off like 1 minute then I realise I fell asleep then woke up and continue reading then like going to fall then wake up then when I finish reading I planed to note down what I've learnt but was too tired so I decided to sleep then wake up and read through again . And I think I slept for two hours ? But was still quite tired but I still pulled myself out of bed to read again roughly and write down what I've learnt . And Acts 2 they talked about the holy spirit so I was encouraged to pray for the holy spirit again . Because it was very long time ago when I tried to pray for the holy spirit but this time I really thought I would be able to speak because I really prayed long and hard and I really really asked God for it . But I didn't succeed but it's okay larh so after that I went to eat dinner . My mother stayed home the whole day too , she didn't have to work , don't know why but anyway she made muffins and cookies ! <3 ! Hahahaha , then I actually forget about practising my guitar... ._. AND , what's worst was after eating I realised I forgot to say grace , I WAS SO SHOCKED YOU KNOW ! But I think cause I was abit not full woken up yet and was abit down that I still can't speak in tongues . I felt so stupid -.- ! Anyway , tomorrow still not sure if I'm serving usher because Wenzen told me to invite someone cause she said that God wanted me to , so I tried sms-ing my contacts but till now still no reply , so if not reply I'll ask one of my best friend , been trying to get her to come for ages . So see if anyone replys or is willing to come if not I'll serve usher tomorrow . I don't know why larh but when I'm not with my lifegroup or doing some church activity I'll feel down and lonely , I won't feel God's presence I don't if I think too much or because I'm too much of a people person ? Like the person has to be physically here... Yeah and like I don't know how to put it but I feel like I was back in those days that when I haven't met Jesus yet , the days where I had no life . But cause you know Wenzhen always seem so joyful all the time you know ? Once someone told me happiness last for only that moment but joy from God lasts forever . You can feel joy at any time when there's nothing to be joyful about . And even one of my best friends , she has known christ since young . Her name is Jasmine and she's always in a good mood you know ? And I'm still wondering why I can't be like them I can't feel joyful all the time 24/7 . Only twice have I felt that overwhelming presence of God , that unexplainable feeling you get . I guess it was cause I felt insecured and He comforted me . So yeah , sian , NO ONE REPLIED YET and apprently my best friend is not in Singapore -.- ? Haiz...

Lifegroup;

2009-11-26T04:00:00.000-08:00

Lifegroup was awesome ! We had it at Wanxin's house . The first thing we did was EAT , haha , we we spegatti cooked by Wanxin . Surprisingly edible . :x Anyway , while eating we shared our blessings for the week . Yeah , and I really thank God that I had a lot of rivival in my spiritual life . And that I've realy matured during this holiday . And I've a packed schedule but still I'm able to do everything and always relying on Him for strength and guidence . Anyway , after eating , we played some games . Then after playing games , we filmed some lame stuff , LOL , I think throughout the whole caregroup we filmed more than three times ?! It was all Wenzhen's idea as usual . Than we slack-ed and waited for Jasmine . So when she arrived we went up to Wanxin's spare house to have our teaching . And today's teaching was about , drawing near to God . We must have a delibrate walk with God because just reading His word without applying it then what's the point ? Take it like we learn to speak but we don't talk ? And if we walk close to God , we'll be successful . And in order to take action we must spend everyday with Jesus , when we wake up in the morning we can pray to Him . It doesn't have to be a long prayer but this prayer is just to help you start the day off with Him . We don't have to be some priest or saint to walk close to God , we can be ordinary people living extraordinary lives . No one can stop us from talking/living life with God . We should also spend our quiet time with God daily . Because reading His word is just like spiritual food for our spiritual life to fill our spiritual hunger .
QT
1.Pray to God for wisdom and understanding of His word .
2.Read intenly .
3.Think of what the verse is trying to say .
4.Apply what you have learnt .
5.Journal it down .
6.Use what you have learnt to bless people . Like if your friends are feeling discouraged use a verse to encourage them .
Why should we walk close to God ?
Faith without deed is dead . It is very weird to proclaim that you love God when you don't even know Him . In order to know Him more is to simply read His word , understand His character , love and His will . So we must walk close to God to make what we proclaim valid . And after walking close with Him we'll have spiritual break thorughs . We'll change into better people in terms of - out thoughts , character and lifestyle . On top of that we learn to become more christ-like . And because Jesus is perfect , when we become more like Him we'll grow in our area of weaknesses . If we want to do things to the best of our abilities we must rely on God's strength and not ours' or we'll never succeed . Be led by the holy spirit , always rely on God , we can't live life without God , be more word-centred and grow in the area of the word of God . Tomorrow got NE picnic but not sure if I'm going , PRAY for me so that I can go . Thanks ! XD

Shepherding;

2009-11-25T06:20:00.000-08:00

Woke up early today for shepherding . Like 8am ? Yeah but end up I was still late so weird larh . Anyway , I meet Wenzhen at AMK hub then we walked to the library . And for the first time in my life I actually sat down and did my homework . I mean like without doing something else and really tried to concentrate larh . Cause I want to prove to my mother that I could balance my spiritual life and school life . So I'll chiong for next year . Anyway after doing like what , two hours of maths ? We went to eat , but she didn't eat larh cause she was fasting longer than me . So we went subway then after eating we stayed there and had formal shepherding . Then , I learnt that this servant of Abraham , this servant he could have inherited all of Abraham's things but cause Abraham had a child , this servant didn't get anything . But anyway , this servant still served Abraham faithfully larh . And on top of that he had to find Abraham's son , Issac , a bride to marry . Can you imagine larh , you didn't get any inheritance from your owner and the person who took it who you now had to help find a bride . I think we should really learn from him , he's humble and he still did what majority of peole won't do . And he asked God for help when he set off to find this bride and it reminded me larh , we're serving God and we're doing everything for Him . And we always need to rely on Him for strength and guidence . And His plan is always better than what we want for ourselves and His perpsectives on things aren't always the same . And no matter what we should always know our place in the sense that if we're a servant we should serve to the best of our ablities and never betray our masters . Even if our master doesn't appreciate us or even reward us . And we shouldn't do things with the mentality that we'll be rewarded but have the mentality that we're serving God because He has blessed us with uncountable things and that He is why we can live life to the fullest . And I really believe no matter what we do , we should always remember we're doing it for God and we should do things the way He wants us to do it .

Bible study;

2009-11-24T03:10:00.001-08:00

In the afternoon I went for guitar lessons , it was kinda okay ? Then when I came back , I ate and slack-ed awhile before doing my bible study . I wanted to do bible study because I wanted to have revival in my spiritual life and also I find that I'm super slow larh huh . And yeah , I took quite long to read cause I'm a slow reader... Anyway I read Luke 12 all the way to Luke 20 ! That's like 9 chapters okay ! I'm so proud of myself . LOL ! Anyway during last night's quiet time that whatever you ask for , you will recieve it . If not you'll recieve something way better . Because I've been baptise with the holy spirit for some time now but I still can't speak in tongues , but yeah I know God wants to give me this gift but it's just not the right time yet so I'll keep trying . I guess cause I don't really have the desire any more . And also this verse...
Luke 11:23
"He who is not with me is against me, and he who does not gather with me, scatters.
I think God wants me to stay close to Him so I won't scatter and be lost . And also...
Luke 11:37-52
It's super long so I won't type it out , but the main points are that , doesn't mean you're clean on the outside means you're clean on the inside(figure of speech) . And doesn't mean you have a 'title' means you're powerful . And I think God really wants me to learn to be humble and learn to give in to others . Anyway excited about tomorrow because I'll be having informal and formal shepherding . Quite early in the morning though then after that I'll be meeting my mother and Auntie and counsin becuase I have nothing to do and I just don't want to be at home .

Weird day...;

2009-11-23T03:02:00.000-08:00

Okay so supposedly I was suppose to start work today ? But I didn't and the person said she'll call us and stuff . So whatever . But thank God larh , if I would have to work today then I'll miss the membership class . Haha we started with praise then followed by a mathematical game(I totally sucked) LOL ! And everyone sort of used the same technique . Then pastor Shirely was telling us her own background and Hope church's background . Super cool can , I never knew that Hope church has branches in other country . And yeah , was fun and interesting . Then , I left there about 5 , the rest ate and thought about the talent thing ? Yeah.. Anyway , yesterday druing quiet time I learnt about compassion and so on .
Luke 10:30-35
30 In reply Jesus said:"A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he fell into the hands of robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. 31 A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. 32 So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. 33 A Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. 32 He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, took him to an inn and took care of him. 35 The next day he took out two silver coins and gave them to the inn keeper. 'Look after him,' he said,'and when I return,I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.'
When I read this I was so amazed that the man was so willing to go more than an extra mile for a stranger . And it really shows something about him . To be willing to take care of him . I think we should all learn from him , if anyone is in need , regardless of how much you like the person , we should always help the person to the best of our ablities . And he was doing what Jesus did for us , he took compassion on us , He died on the cross for us when we were still sinners .
Luke 10:40-42
40 But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked,'Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!" 41 "Martha, Martha," the Lord answered,"you are worried and upst about many things, 42 but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better,and it will not be taken away from her."
And I think Jesus was saying that all He wanted was just for Martha to listen to Him like what Mary did . And I think He didn't care about any of the preparations but He just wanted to share God's word and do what He came to do . And yeah.. It really struck me because we're always so concern about things but are they what we should be concerned about ? Especially since we live in Singapore , everything is so fast and it's not easy to keep up . Studies are becoming more and more complex , you need certificates of all sorts to get a job and everything . Singapore is progressing super fast and yeah we do need to be able to catch up . But I think God wants to remind us of what is more important and not to forget what your goals are .

Slow day...;

2009-11-22T05:26:00.000-08:00

Just back from Parkway , went there with Rachaya . Hahaha had fun with her , and FYI she has became even more crazy after going to SAC . Anyway today was quite slack ? Afternoon Jasmine sent me like 1000 and 1 praise/worhsip songs x.x ! Then , nothing much happen today . I'll be going to work for one week starting tomorrow . Then , Emily didn't tell me tomorrow got the church membership class which I'm so gonna have to miss cause she told me alittle too late . *SIGH* I'll have to wait for the next one . But it's okay , I'll be missing training class(if there is) and NE picnic . Sad...But yeah..... Last night during quiet time I learnt about doing everything for God to the best we can and to be reminded that that if you want to be first you'll have to be last .
Luke 9:48
Then he said to them,"Whoever welcomes this little child in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me welcomes the one who sent me. For he who is least among you all-he is the greatest."
Luke 9:62
Jesus replied,"No one puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God."
It struck me because God doesn't want us to do something without faith . If you want to do something do it to the best of your ablities and know that it's the best you can and you have put in your heart and soul into it . Knowing that nothing will go wrong that you'll have to check if it's okay . Doing things for God to the best , He'll reward us and you know it .

Renewing my convenant to God;

2009-11-21T05:25:00.000-08:00

WOOOOOOO My first coreteam meet ! It wasn't must because we started quite late but it's okay ! XD There will be some changes but I'm sure if it's God's will then it must be the best plan ! So Emily said we should fast for our spiritual life and those who can't go for camp . So I'll start fasting tomorrow ! And yeah thank God we weren't late for prayer meet but prayer meet was super short ?! LOL ! Weird larh but still service was fun , it was all about renewing our convenant with God and it was Pastor Micheal , when he preaches , I can't catch up seriously . And to add on to that , the projector wasn't working . ._. But it's okay I still learnt some important things . That if you make a promise to God , don't make a casual one but really stick to it and do as what you promised . And you have to renew your convenant seriously , fully and specifically . And why we should renew our convenant ? It reminds us of our allegiance to God , reminds us of our codes of conducts and as christians we need to allegiance to God . Three simple words he told us to remember , 'Make it happen' and yeah , we shouldn't sit around and wait for things to happen . Yes God is in control but if we don't do anything , what has He got to control ? And we need to repent , it's never too late as long as the clock is still ticking , God won't give up on us , so why wait ? And why give up His chance ? We should cherish it and use it to the best of our ablities ! Understand what God wants us to do and what He doesn't want us to do .
1.Read the word
2.Listen to the word
3.Meditate the word
4.Memorise the word
5.Study the word
6.Obey the word
And always have the sincere heart when you want to do something . And we have to know what is God's general/known will and His specific/unknown will . But even when He reveals His known will are we going to apply it ? Obey it ? If we don't then what's the point of Him revealing his unknown will ? I always wonder why God doesn't give me a specific answer and I always don't want to do the wrong thing and I'm super indesive so I'm always in a delima and always hesitate . And maybe I did something wrong through out the way so I'm trying to find out what . We should always be obident to God . Live according to His word . God never fails to provide so whenever you're in need of somethin don't worry just pray and things will work out fine . What we do , how we do things must and should always reflect us so do things like a christian that will reflect our christian character . Do everything will God , go through thick and thin will Him . Cause you know He'll always be right there for you . Take care of the house of God , His people , His building , don't neglect God's people . And yeah , life doesn't always go the way you want it to but know this , letting God choose everything , you'll be living life to the fullest . (:

Things seem to be going in the right direction..

2009-11-20T04:06:00.000-08:00

Well my mother doesn't seem to be affected by the fight yesterday . I think it's a good thing ? But some how I just can't help to feel disturbed by it , when I look at her , talk to her , it's just wasn't the same.. I don't know maybe I just over re-acted ? Maybe because I finally started to appreciate her and can't bear to hurt her . I wasn't like this in the past , if I did something wrong I just don't give a damn and I always thought that I was right . But now it's not the same , this time I felt I was at fault and come to think of it , it always has been . I guess I was just ignorant and stubborn but now I see that parents do what they do because they care and they just want what's best for us . I finally understand why they do what they do , I guess I should think and try my best to balance everything because I know I'm not doing it alone but God will be with me . And everyone has their own problems big or small it doesn't matter because just remember that God has a better plan for you and He'll make a way for you . I know it's hard to put your trust in Him and pretend nothing happened . But that's what life is about , if life was perfect then what is there to learn ? As each exprience pass good or bad , you'll learn something . That's what mistakes are all about remembering what you did wrong and not to repeat it again . And God wants us to take something from each exprience we have and I know that no matter what there must be something you've learnt from any and every exprience . And you should never run away from any probleming you're facing because it won't just pass but only get worst . But have faith and ask God for guidence . "Instead of telling God how great the problem is , why not tell the problem how great God is ." This quote was from Denise if you guys know him . And I find it very true and encouring because God is greater than all our problems and God won't give you something you can't over come .
Matthew 6:43
Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
So people don't be afraid of what tomorrow will bring but just live . (:

Accused..

2009-11-19T05:22:00.000-08:00

I tried to be patient I tried to balance everything , but do you see my efforts ? I've changed so much since I've known God but you still blame Him for everything ? How much I've changed and how far I've gone ? I've already improved , yes it's not the most perfect efforts but at least I'm tring right ? Better then not doing anything with my life at all . You just don't get it do you ? Then when I say this you come and comdemn me ? Then what more do you want me to do ? I'm already doing so much to please you but I keep telling myself I'm not doing this for you I'm doing all of this for God to repay Him to not waste what He has blessed with me . Yes I'm very blessed that you already allow me to go for a lot of things but am I asking for too much ? If I'm THEN STOP SPOILING ME ! I CAN TAKE A NO RIGHT ?! YES I'LL BE UPSET BUT IT'S NOT LIKE I WON'T GET OVER IT ! I know there are more people who are going through worst then I'm but I just can't take . To think I was so proud of myself that I've gone so far ? That my relationship with God has really grown ? That I've really helped people in my life ? That I wasn't what I used to be ? I know I've just failed God's test but it was just too much , I want to show God how much He means to me but I guess I just need more time and I need to stop thinking about what I can't do but what I can do . I just don't know what to do any more . I want to do my best to repay God to bless His people . I don't want to disapoint God but I really want to excel in all that I can . But I know God has His reasons for everything and He just want me to learn something from all the chaos . I've screwed up big time . You're totally upset at me I know , but I'm still just a child right ? I can only do that much and take that much . Life wasn't how you used to have it . It's different now I wished you could just see how much I've been trying to live up to your expectations to live up to God's expectation . You're comparing between me and him . Yeah I get him he's better than I'm . He listens to you , he obeys you and he's just more perfect than I'm . But I just never seem to see how life was like when I never met God . He's really the best thing that has happened to me . And I don't know why you can't just see how much I love Him , how much I need Him . I really truly now realise that God is very important to me but I don't know am I suppose to make it up to you . I really never thought of it , if I was never allowed to attend services , caregroups and so on . But yes I'm sorry not being the child you wanted me to be I get it , you just want what's best for me . But don't get I get to choose what I want to do with my life ? This coming year I realy want do excel in my studies but you keep acusing me . Becase this holiday I just really want to grow closer to God I really do . That why I've been swamming myself with everything and anything . I try not to think about it now but I don't how am I suppose know ? I can't remember everything you know , I really want to be the best I can be but I don't know how to balance GOD,STUDIES,FRIENDS,MUSIC all at the same time . I'm only human you know . I've never felt so upset before . I've cried for so long , not even over a guy . I'm sorry okay , I really am . I want to make it up to you but now I just don't even know how to talk to you . Because it's never come down to this , you were never so disapointed in me . Now I really know why but I don't know what to do because I just want all of this to have never happened.. But I know God made it happen for a reason and I think I know what but I'm jst so confused now I don't know what to do..
And I have a request for those of you who has just read this , could you pray for me ? Pray that everything will work out and that this will just pass and forgotten . Pray that my emotions won't get the better of me and I'll be able to balance everything . Thank you .

Out-reaching + Caregroup !

2009-11-19T02:36:00.000-08:00

I came back home like 6+ ? Morning I managed to wake up on time , not like some people , woke up late , I'm not going to mention who but yeah it's okay because we managed to plan finish the games . So thank God ! XD Then after the game planning we went out-reaching at Anderson , it was raining but after prayer the rain stopped , YEAH ! Then we tried going into the school , we pretended that we were Geok Leng's cousins who was helping her carry her books then in the end we came out because the school was quite empty ? Then the guard was quite suspious so I faked that Geok Leng forget to bring her book list . Then , we just sat at the bus stop waiting for people to come out . Then there was this girl from the book shop and she seemed kinda of friendly so yeah I think we'll be able to bring her to church . Then there were mostly china people because I think they were having some course ? But it's okay because we already tried our best . Then after that we waited for Wenzhen to come after she reach , we ended off with prayer . Then off to Jasmine's house . The trip was quite long . Then her mother was so nice and her brother too . You know her brother's caregroup was going clark quay ?! Rich... Anyway , we ate , played games and watched a movie . The movie was , 'Meet Dave' I watched before already but it was still quite funny . Then if you all got watch before or remember the part . Dave was sleeping on the streets with this guy ? Then the guy offered his blanket to Dave . And it's not like that guy was the richest man on earth . And I really think that God is really reminding me to give . Yesterday during quiet time I was reading then there was this part about giving and don't expect repayment .
Luke 6:28-31
28 bless those who curse you,pray for those who mistreat you. 29 If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. 30 Give to everyone who asks you, do not demand it back. 31 Do to others as you would have them do to you.
And I think God wants me to give not because I know the more I give the more I recieve but give because He wants me to give and it's the right thing to do . And shouldn't give because you want to recieve more but give because you want to bless others . Another thing that God spoke to me during my quiet time yesterday .
Luke 5:31-32
Jesus replied , "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. 32 I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance."
I believe that God wants to tell me to attend to those who need more guidence . The ones who are not as spiritually mature . Those who need to be lead the right way . And so I'll try my best to reach out to those who need someone to tell them that their wrong and show them what is right . And I thank God that my mother didn't rememver caregroup ended early today because I reached home later then expected . Anyway , thank God for all of you who came down for out-reaching today , it was a bit chui but it's okay ! We'll try harder next time ! :D
Psalm 9:10
Those who know your name will trust you, for you, LORD, have not forsaken those who seek you.

XD !

2009-11-18T04:06:00.000-08:00

I've just bathed finished . Afternoon Clara wanted to go to the gym . So after her M & D she came over to my house . Then Wanxin also came along . We walked to the condo then the person say only resisdent then can use . Then sua I needed to photo copy things anyway so we went to the so called book shop then Clara and Wanxin went to buy bubble tea . After I was done I also went over to buy something to drink . Then , we went to the playground there . There was this shelted mushroom table with stools so we sat there . Then , Wanxin did the spiritual gifting test and I explained to her every single gift . Then after we were done , went to Wanxin's house because Clara wanted her to help her cut her hair . (Wanxin is really a good hair dresser) Then I just make cup noodle and waited till they were done .Then after Clara was done , she went home . Then I wanted to try out Wanxin's hair straightener , barely any diffrence but yeah a little different . Then after we were done , we used the computer and she was showing me some stuff on Youtube , slacked a little . Then we forgot that we were suppose to plan caregroup games . So we just sort of thought of the game then do the rest tomorrow before going for outreaching and caregroup . Then I went home about 6.30p.m ? Then when I got home my mother totally freaked out ? Because I already told her that going gym because she said I couldn't go for training class then she like so pissed off that I never told her ? But Wanxin's house is like just beside mine so I didn't know she'll freak if I didn't tell her right ? And I got a shock , but thank God that she still allows me to go out tomorrow . :D I'm going to go prepare some stuff for caregroup already . Bye !

Life tranformation;

2009-11-17T19:06:00.000-08:00

I've decided to blog again . I wanted to blog again because I wanted to invest in my gift of evangelism . Yesterday was a hetic day woke up at 6.15a.am reached shcool 7.30a.m more or less . It was the actual day of COE then they gave us some bun and a packet of milo . Then most of them were getting their make up done . The director of the Bella-T and the I can't remember what is the title , if you were there to see the skits . She was talking to Shawn(the SL and chairman of drama) . He had to do a monologue about being like actor something like that . So his monologue goes something like this , 'You see that sun ? My dreams are with that sun , it always set but it never seems to rise . As the sun sets my dreams are following it , the colour fades so does my dreams . But I know when the sun sets it rises in another place . A place blessed by that light .' So the so called director was asking him if he knew what it meant and what it means to him . So she was like saying , 'The sun sets but doesn't mean your dreams are gone is just means someone else's dreams are coming true . What have you accomplised in your 14 going 15 years of life ?' He replied saying ,'Joining drama , passing exams , the musicial , SYF .' She said ,'So as each exprience pass you gain something new , doesn't mean SYF is over means your dream was destroyed it just means you've accomplised it . And see where you are now , leading the drama to further heights . ' And at that point it struck me , in order to be first you have to be last , I can't remeber what is the exact verse but I finally understood what God meant by that . And I was super amazed and like telling myself 'OH MY GOSH' . It's really cool how God speaks to us , directly or indirectly . Anyway COE turned out okay so after that I went for guitar lesson . Guitar lesson was tiring cause I was already aching . Then after that I had imformal sheperding with Wenzhen . Ate at J8 food court . I made her rush out because she didn't pick up my calls . I spamed her with like 30 calls ? Then in the end she was suppose to lend Zi Xuan sony ericsson charger then she forgot to bring . Then we went to training class together . Training class was about spiritual giftings , yeah so after training class it rained . So weird I wanted to take the bus but somehow I don't know why I started to walk to sommerset instead then I walked quite far already then I decided not to walk back . And I really thank God that my mother didn't scold me . (: And yeah , I had lots of fun .