I tried to be patient I tried to balance everything , but do you see my efforts ? I've changed so much since I've known God but you still blame Him for everything ? How much I've changed and how far I've gone ? I've already improved , yes it's not the most perfect efforts but at least I'm tring right ? Better then not doing anything with my life at all . You just don't get it do you ? Then when I say this you come and comdemn me ? Then what more do you want me to do ? I'm already doing so much to please you but I keep telling myself I'm not doing this for you I'm doing all of this for God to repay Him to not waste what He has blessed with me . Yes I'm very blessed that you already allow me to go for a lot of things but am I asking for too much ? If I'm THEN STOP SPOILING ME ! I CAN TAKE A NO RIGHT ?! YES I'LL BE UPSET BUT IT'S NOT LIKE I WON'T GET OVER IT ! I know there are more people who are going through worst then I'm but I just can't take . To think I was so proud of myself that I've gone so far ? That my relationship with God has really grown ? That I've really helped people in my life ? That I wasn't what I used to be ? I know I've just failed God's test but it was just too much , I want to show God how much He means to me but I guess I just need more time and I need to stop thinking about what I can't do but what I can do . I just don't know what to do any more . I want to do my best to repay God to bless His people . I don't want to disapoint God but I really want to excel in all that I can . But I know God has His reasons for everything and He just want me to learn something from all the chaos . I've screwed up big time . You're totally upset at me I know , but I'm still just a child right ? I can only do that much and take that much . Life wasn't how you used to have it . It's different now I wished you could just see how much I've been trying to live up to your expectations to live up to God's expectation . You're comparing between me and him . Yeah I get him he's better than I'm . He listens to you , he obeys you and he's just more perfect than I'm . But I just never seem to see how life was like when I never met God . He's really the best thing that has happened to me . And I don't know why you can't just see how much I love Him , how much I need Him . I really truly now realise that God is very important to me but I don't know am I suppose to make it up to you . I really never thought of it , if I was never allowed to attend services , caregroups and so on . But yes I'm sorry not being the child you wanted me to be I get it , you just want what's best for me . But don't get I get to choose what I want to do with my life ? This coming year I realy want do excel in my studies but you keep acusing me . Becase this holiday I just really want to grow closer to God I really do . That why I've been swamming myself with everything and anything . I try not to think about it now but I don't how am I suppose know ? I can't remember everything you know , I really want to be the best I can be but I don't know how to balance GOD,STUDIES,FRIENDS,MUSIC all at the same time . I'm only human you know . I've never felt so upset before . I've cried for so long , not even over a guy . I'm sorry okay , I really am . I want to make it up to you but now I just don't even know how to talk to you . Because it's never come down to this , you were never so disapointed in me . Now I really know why but I don't know what to do because I just want all of this to have never happened.. But I know God made it happen for a reason and I think I know what but I'm jst so confused now I don't know what to do.. And I have a request for those of you who has just read this , could you pray for me ? Pray that everything will work out and that this will just pass and forgotten . Pray that my emotions won't get the better of me and I'll be able to balance everything . Thank you .
Fiona praised Jesus at 5:22 AM
PROFILE;
Fiona Krissie Teh
Deyi secondary School
6th June 1996
Child of God
Hope Church(Youth)
fcyf1996@hotmail.com(MSN/Facebook)
The Girl;
I love God,my family,friends & everyone else .
I'm currently serving in the usher ministry .
My shepherd is Chua Wenzhen Joy .
My care group is NEA1 .
I'm trying to learn the guitar .
My cca is drama .
Life Transformation;
Before I knew God , I was a petty,
Impatient,spoiled,ungrateful,unreasonable,ah lian wanna-be.
I had no dreams , no idea where I was heading and no purpose.
But I didn't want to be alive for no reason.
I've always thought that I was useless.
It would have been better that I wasn't alive.
But I didn't want to die just yet.
Because I knew that life was precious.
I continued to search for meaning,purpose and reasons.
And last christmas I was invited to Yhope.
I grew up in a catholic school.
I knew God then but I never had a relationship with Him.
At that time , my results were already out and my school was already chosen.
I was going to Deyi.
At first I wasn't really committed to God.
And I had some parental objection.
But Wenzhen was assigned to be my shepherd.
She helped me to overcome my objection and she encouraged me to be more committed.
And she never gave up on me , she is one of the reasons why I've changed so much.
Yes she's naggy but it's really great to have a shepherd like her.
And I thought of it , somehow everything linked.
I never studied for PSLE but I got 220.
I was never accepted in Holy Innocent.
But in Deyi.
My god sister asked me to come but she never made it in.
At first it was hard.
But I got used to it.
Everything made sense to me.
Why I scored how much I scored.
Why I came Deyi.
Why my mother allowed me to go out that day.
If I hadn't gone out with my friends.
I would have never met Hui Xuan,Chantel or Grace they all.
I would have not converted.
And I wouldn't have what I have today.
Deuteronomy 4:29
But if from there you
Seek the LORD your God,
You will find him if you
Look for Him with all your heart
And will all your soul.
I searched for God.
And He made a way for me.
He had a better plan for me.
It was just the beginning of a new found life.
I want to dedicate this blog to God.
All of you who hasn't known God yet.
I really encourage you to do so.
It will really be the best decision you ever make.
He will never leave nor forsake you.
He will never short change you.
He will never fail you.
Psalm 118:1
Give thanks to the Lord,
for He is good;
His Love endures forever.
