I haven't been blogging lately , been busy with things and I'm losing track of time , literally . I think that usher retreat is next week but it's tomorrow . Yeah.. And I don't think I'm going anyway... Lately feeling very 'chui' like I don't know , I just feel as if I want to die already . It's not really that I want to give up on God but I just feel like I want to drop everything . When , stress strikes I just feel like giving up , I can't take stress , that is why I never worked hard for anything . Because I know when I give my all for something , I'll have more to do . It's like I want to become a shepherd but I can't take the responsibilities . I feel like my head is going to explode . But I was reminded by God then I can rejoice under any circumstances . But I feel as if the whole world is against me . I just can't do it , without God , everything is impossible . I'm trying to pull it together but.. *Sigh* It's unexplainable . I know God is there but I just can't feel Him . Well I guess what Wenzhen said was true , maybe God is just testing me but I mean I really do believe that He's there but I can't do anything when I can't feel His presence , I feel so weak and useless . After camp I was still quite okay but now , the fire just stopped burning . And I think God also want me to think about why I serve , I guess it's because it's like a responsibility ? I don't know . And I need to learn to not seek recongnition any more , I need to learn to be humble and really think before I speak or act , I seriously think I have many problems... And when I do things , I feel like I'm not doing it with God and I feel like when I don't do things with God then , there's no reason why I'm doing those things . And I really need to manage my time , I feel so caught up in the things I do that I just forget the time and I forget the dead lines to everything . Time flies and I can't catch up with it . And I really need to set my heart right before God , I don't want to have the wrong motives and I just really want to focus on God and nothing else , I feel like I've really let God down and that I'm so stupid to not have woken up earlier . I think why I feel so 'chui' is because , I don't even know why I'm going and I don't fix my eyes on God but on completing the task but sometimes it's not always about finishing the task but the process of finishing it . And I need to manage my money too , in the sense I see if it's worth it anot . And I was reminded of servanthood yesterday during Emily's birthday celebration , when she said ,'Serve others first' And it suddenly struck me , I'm a servant and it's not about how well you serve but how you react or feel when you're being treated like a servant . The other day , Yining said that God uses the tail to lead the head , and it's true , God uses the weak to lead the strong . And I just really need to think through how I'm going to apply all of this . And Emily's new dog is so CUTEEEEEEEE ! (:
Fiona praised Jesus at 8:32 PM
PROFILE;
Fiona Krissie Teh
Deyi secondary School
6th June 1996
Child of God
Hope Church(Youth)
fcyf1996@hotmail.com(MSN/Facebook)
The Girl;
I love God,my family,friends & everyone else .
I'm currently serving in the usher ministry .
My shepherd is Chua Wenzhen Joy .
My care group is NEA1 .
I'm trying to learn the guitar .
My cca is drama .
Life Transformation;
Before I knew God , I was a petty,
Impatient,spoiled,ungrateful,unreasonable,ah lian wanna-be.
I had no dreams , no idea where I was heading and no purpose.
But I didn't want to be alive for no reason.
I've always thought that I was useless.
It would have been better that I wasn't alive.
But I didn't want to die just yet.
Because I knew that life was precious.
I continued to search for meaning,purpose and reasons.
And last christmas I was invited to Yhope.
I grew up in a catholic school.
I knew God then but I never had a relationship with Him.
At that time , my results were already out and my school was already chosen.
I was going to Deyi.
At first I wasn't really committed to God.
And I had some parental objection.
But Wenzhen was assigned to be my shepherd.
She helped me to overcome my objection and she encouraged me to be more committed.
And she never gave up on me , she is one of the reasons why I've changed so much.
Yes she's naggy but it's really great to have a shepherd like her.
And I thought of it , somehow everything linked.
I never studied for PSLE but I got 220.
I was never accepted in Holy Innocent.
But in Deyi.
My god sister asked me to come but she never made it in.
At first it was hard.
But I got used to it.
Everything made sense to me.
Why I scored how much I scored.
Why I came Deyi.
Why my mother allowed me to go out that day.
If I hadn't gone out with my friends.
I would have never met Hui Xuan,Chantel or Grace they all.
I would have not converted.
And I wouldn't have what I have today.
Deuteronomy 4:29
But if from there you
Seek the LORD your God,
You will find him if you
Look for Him with all your heart
And will all your soul.
I searched for God.
And He made a way for me.
He had a better plan for me.
It was just the beginning of a new found life.
I want to dedicate this blog to God.
All of you who hasn't known God yet.
I really encourage you to do so.
It will really be the best decision you ever make.
He will never leave nor forsake you.
He will never short change you.
He will never fail you.
Psalm 118:1
Give thanks to the Lord,
for He is good;
His Love endures forever.
