I've found a friend who died for me

Saturday felt weird without going for service.. So slacked like the whole day ? Nothing much happened . Well , the only thing that did happen was the 'fight' I had with my father , okay , I wouldn't call it a fight though... Okay this was what went down , he was asking everyone to go see some motivate video ? Then , I was telling myself , no one could motivate me but God and I was already motivated . Then I asked him what was it about , then he kept saying just come , then I just wanted to know what I was going to see right ? I was just curious , I mean if it's crap why would I want to waste my time watching it ? I wanted to know specificially what I was watching . Then , he suddenly snapped , shouted 'keep quiet' and slammed the door behind him . And I was like , 'WHAT?! I just wanted to know what then you just out of the blue freaked out?!' . Okay , yes I was wrong but I mean you couldn't even tell me what was it about ? Yeah , it takes two hands to clap but I mean I just wanted to rest , I'm so beat out by the whole week and I just didn't feel like wasting my time watching some crappy video . Okay , I did feel bad , a tad guilty but I mean... Never mind , I admit I'm wrong . Anyway , had English tuition just now , was alright I guess , normal , typical , just a few new students that's all . And I'm sadded about not being able to go for service and I was suppose to serve this week , so sad can , my first combined service then I missed it . Oh well , never mind . After tuition , ate and did my homework , still left Maths , BORING , seriously , the first question and I didn't even understand what they were talking about . -.- So anyway , my tongues seem to sound weirder and less chim ? Yeah... I want to go shopping , -SIAN- .
Goal : Get everything done

So full of joy ! I finally got my tongues ! Like on 14/1/10 , thanks a lot Sunny ! I think Sunny is really awesome , I think it was his faith in us that helped me believe in myself too . Haha and he not only help me but Wan Xin , Geok Leng , Vivien and Jolene ! So cool right ?! I just feel like speaking in tongues every second ! Haha , and lifegroup atmosphere was also AWESOME , although attendance was low , everyone's spirit was high and God's presece was overwhelming . School has been okay ? Tiring but okay , I still keep forgetting stuffs . Anyway , just came back from NE sports day , Ruiyong was teaching about friendship evangelism , he said that , life is precious and that we don't need a near death exprience nor a friend dying to know that , and that we should never waste another moment because you'll never know when we'll die and our friends' and also family and can you imagine , you were wanting to share Christ with your friend then decided not to then , the next moment you know , she/he's dead . And you'll totally regret it . And he also mentioned we shouldn't have the mentality that 'oh maybe someone else will share Christ with her/him ma , need not worry' . But then what if you were the only one in the whole person's life to share Christ with her/him ? I totally agree but I don't know what's stopping me , I guess , I'm not even at the S.O.W the O---> Open stage yet and I'm scared I'll loose the contact just like that . And not everyone wants to know God , it's hard to say you know , people have different mind sets and they live according to different values and live for the wrong reasons . How I wonder what it's like to have a world where everyone worship God . The world would be such a better place . It's really sad to hear of people who suicide cause they care about something else more than they'll life , the life God gave them and the life that His song Jesus died for them . Well , I guess God has His reasons for everything . Still trying to not think about guys , 'Why did you have to cycle pass me ? And why did you have to look at me ? And why did that moment seem to have slowed down ?' GUYS SUCK , DON'T DISTRACT ME !
Goal : Be more decissive

Okay , so one of my resolutions was to manage my time better , so I 'made' a planner . Of course I can't make one , I'm short of money so I just wrapped an A4 size single line book , decorate it and , there it's my new planner . It's helping yeah , but not helping me to remember what I have to bring and what I need to buy . So , only can count on God for that . Anyway , started this week quite alright , things went smoothly . And I guess my walk with God is moving , not say very fast but not saying it's not moving at all . Anyway , since most of the subject teachers never thought us before , I thought I'll have a good first impression . So yeah , trying to suck up and get on their 'Good List' . Normilla MIA , don't know where she go so I'm happy , till she comes back . I realised my class is getting more 'Guai' , seiously , doing work when teacher is not around , really paying more attention and doing homework . It's nice , cause , the environment you study in really affects you . And I still need to work on my temper , really really get piss off easily , especially now because , well , not enough sleep, for me = CHAOS , I get cranky like in a slipt second . I may not be able to attend service this Sunday , sad , cause I have tuition , totally forgot ): !! How I wish one day has more hours so that I can do more things... I seriously feel I'm getting weaker and faker . Weaker in the sense that , I get tired easily and feel like giving up more easily , faker in the sense , I force out smiles , I force out words that I don't even mean(words of encouragement). It just doesn't seem like it's coming from the heart , maybe that's why people don't take it for real and don't get spured on by my words , I guess they can feel the 'fake-ness' of it . It's a suckish feeling you know and I just don't know what's happening . I so feel like dye-ing my hair can !!(Totally random) Sian , I so have to WAIT for June holidays and I may not even be able to dye lor . If I don't improve enough to my standards that my parents want me to have , they won't let me dye . And my bag is getting too small either that or my things are getting more and getting bigger . I hope my bag breaks so I can buy a new one but at the same time not really , cause I did a rough calculation of how much money I spend per month , like on tuition , guitar lesson , conssesion and my allowence and so much more . I feel like I'm seriously wasting so much money . *Sigh* I'm getting like lots of mood swings , I think my normal 'me' is back , the 'me' that didn't know God yet , the 'me' that is even so much more emotional , the 'me' that is way more spoiled and just that 'me' sucks . I myself didn't like the 'me' , I actually look down on the 'me' and hate 'her' . I guess life even with God can't be perfect but that's why we have Jesus , to guide us to help us achieve a perfect life .
Goal : Fast from guys;

Okay , yesterday's service was AWESOME , although attendance abit 'chui' , God's presence really filled up the emptiness of my heart . After service yesterday went to try on some dresses for my cousin's wedding , fun . And God really answered my prayers , you know what happen ?! Okay , so my cousin has this friend who also came along and she was a Christia , LIKE COOL , although she never shared Christ to my mother but that's the first step right ?! To have a Christian close by , she said she's from City Harvest , yeah . And they got along really well !! And I'm so hoping that she'll invite my mother to go for her service !!!! And I'm so excited for what's to come . And I think I'm becoming stupider , considering the fact that , I comprehend things slower and can't absorb as well as I used to . It's really said you know , cause I really want to like take triple science ? And I really need my grades to be like superb ?! And sunday has gone from slack day to homework + slack day . Today morning woke up early to go for science make up class at Bedok Mavis , I couldn't absorb , literally , AND IT'S SCIENCE PEOPLE ! I can get science like so easily , it's so my thing okay , and I'm seriously freaking out . And I'm falling sort of MONEY , yes , I want to buy a planner , a new sermon notebook and I need to save up for church building fund . And I kinda want a new school bag , but I guess I'll behave well and convince my parents to buy me one XD ! Anyway , tomorrow is another day of school , excited yet not ? I don't know , trying to get over my crush , yeah... And tomorrow is also 'O' level results , hahaha , feeling scared for them . And I feel as if everything is getting harder and harder , and I keep reminding myself of the rewards I'll have when I serve God 100% . Out-reaching again , hopefully get responsive people .
Goal : Be a friend then be a follow-up .

School just started and I barely have the time to myself . I think my most free days are Friday and Sunday ? Teachers that are teaching my class not so bad , quite okay . This year I'm the Geography rap , kena sabo -.- . But nothing much huh , Drama same as usual ? And I think I'm becoming more stupid ? I in class can listen and understand but I take a longer time and when I do my homework , I can't do a lot of questions , for Maths anyway . English dianostic test was alright ? Worst part was the well , editting for spelling and grammer . I think I did pretty well for book talk , but the only thing was I think I seriously talk too fast.. ._. Yeah , but other then that , trip over my words a few times and said a few Singlish words -.- ... I've been very packed lately , school , CCA , tuition and also Lifegroup and well , Coreteam ? I don't know . Anyway , I think , I'm not suitable to follow up on Yanjun , well I hust think that , it's not easy for me to explain to her things and stuff and , well , yeah I know being a shepherd(sort of) it's no easy but yeah , I feel she's not really trying her best to come for Lifegroup and stuff but I don't know larh... I'll talk to this about Wenzhen and Emily soon . I think God really is providing me with strength to study and serve Him to my fullest potential , been waking up early for the whole week for out reaching , yeah then at night stay up late to do homework so , they kind of don't go well together but I still was okay during class , not as tired as expected so really thank God . And I want to thank God for the countless blessings He has given me and really want to thank Him for an awesome shepherd and great life-buddy , Alvina . Wenzhen really touched my heart the other day by preparig breakfast for me and Alvina is really someone you can count and would go more than an extra mile , she'll go MILES ! Yeah , tiring yet fruitful week I think ? Haha , tomorrow have to go for CCA orientation for the secondary one must go and help out . BORING , but anyway , I want to take triple science so I have to work on my Maths and I kind of want a second CCA(but not basketball again) and also second ministry . I know , I'm crazy and I have like tons of resolutions to fulfill . Hope to be lead by the spirit more;